I am poised to leave. I have found the man of my dreams. Hallelujah!
He tells me God brought us together to do great things! I am his savior! We can go to any church I want. Have the wedding of my dreams (and a honeymoon to rival all…over to France and Italy or maybe down to Chile or perhaps even further afield…New Zealand!).
I look with disdain upon my husband. Long I had told him he would die a lonely old man and my prophesy is coming true.
I talk with the children. The oldest daughter (28) hasn’t seen me this happy in years and tells me I don’t have to wait for her wedding in six months before I leave her father. She “knows” how our marriage has been, the fights and lack of affection. The teasing remarks which were actually digs, hurtful digs. She herself had been on the receiving end many a time.
Oldest son (26, married and out of the house) feels I should tell his dad soon but that I should give him a second chance despite the years of discord. In fact, the last time he tried to stand up to his dad for us women still at home his dad put him in his place. I figured he would come around.
Number three, a daughter (24), is ecstatic. She had already fled the home in August and was living with her boyfriend “in sin” 12 hours away.
The youngest, a son (21) tells me he’s coming with me. He can’t stand his dad.
The battle lines are drawn.
Just one hitch…I still don’t have enough money. I would be setting up an entirely new household with a need for all new “things”.
My new man came to the rescue. He paid for my deposit and first six months rent plus a few extra things. He was quite generous.
There was another reason to leave…I never had to feel like I was scared to spend money. Never made to feel bad if I did. What I did mattered. I mattered.
What was that you said, the little voice in my head? Something about maybe I should tell the hubby I’m going to leave and see if he’ll still refuse to go to counseling, to change. Nope. I am not going to listen to you! I don’t care what you say! I am not staying! No matter what! No Matter What! Remember??? He’s mean! Doesn’t listen, doesn’t care, isn’t supportive, isn’t affectionate, only touches you when he wants sex…the list goes on and on. Do Not Forget! Stick to your goal!
I told him I was leaving.