Tag Archives: justification

Be sure your sins will find you out…

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I can’t believe it! He’s crying! Begging me not to leave him. He never cries. I know he wants out also. I know he does!

To get him off my back I fudge. Tell him I’ll think about it while I’m on my long anticipated trip to New York City.  Yeah right…

This is my trip to see Rick. My best friend from high school and his husband, Dave.

But, then I invite my new friend. And he says he can come. In fact, he books the hotel. A nice one. Overlooking Time’s Square. And theater tickets. And a tour. In fact, my trip becomes our trip. I end up seeing my friend for dinner out one PM and then dinner at his place another. That’s it. Oh well…there’s Mama Mia, a walking tour, the MoMa, shopping, Battery Park (where we could see The Statue of Liberty), Strawberry Fields, The High Line. He’s buys me boots and a belt at a store I never would have stepped into before. And then we go to a concert at the Mercury Lounge. All this time I tell my family I’m alone enjoying myself with Rick when he’s off work.

Flying home I have to reroute because of the weather. I call my son to pick me up at an airport a couple of hours from our house.

Hubby picks me up.

Daughter told him she thought I was seeing someone else.

He asks.

Honesty.

More tears. Begging. Offers of forgiveness.

I tell him I don’t want him. Don’t want to take a chance on going back. It’s too scary. I’m afraid.

This goes on for two hours.

I’m determined. He is too.

That week after NYC I find my apartment. My friend is with me when I pay the deposit.

The end is in sight!

Gomer’s justifications…

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I am poised to leave. I have found the man of my dreams. Hallelujah!

He tells me God brought us together to do great things! I am his savior! We can go to any church I want. Have the wedding of my dreams (and a honeymoon to rival all…over to France and Italy or maybe down to Chile or perhaps even further afield…New Zealand!).

I look with disdain upon my husband. Long I had told him he would die a lonely old man and my prophesy is coming true.

I talk with the children. The oldest daughter (28) hasn’t seen me this happy in years and tells me I don’t have to wait for her wedding in six months before I leave her father. She “knows” how our marriage has been, the fights and lack of affection. The teasing remarks which were actually digs, hurtful digs. She herself had been on the receiving end many a time.

Oldest son (26, married and out of the house) feels I should tell his dad soon but that I should give him a second chance despite the years of discord. In fact, the last time he tried to stand up to his dad for us women still at home his dad put him in his place. I figured he would come around.

Number three, a daughter (24), is ecstatic.  She had already fled the home in August and was living with her boyfriend “in sin” 12 hours away.

The youngest, a son (21) tells me he’s coming with me. He can’t stand his dad.

The battle lines are drawn.

Just one hitch…I still don’t have enough money. I would be setting up an entirely new household with a need for all new “things”.

My new man came to the rescue. He paid for my deposit and first six months rent plus a few extra things. He was quite generous.

There was another reason to leave…I never had to feel like I was scared to spend money. Never made to feel bad if I did. What I did mattered. I mattered.

What was that you said, the little voice in my head? Something about maybe I should tell the hubby I’m going to leave and see if he’ll still refuse to go to counseling, to change. Nope. I am not going to listen to you! I don’t care what you say! I am not staying! No matter what! No Matter What! Remember??? He’s mean! Doesn’t listen, doesn’t care, isn’t supportive, isn’t affectionate, only touches you when he wants sex…the list goes on and on. Do Not Forget! Stick to your goal!

I told him I was leaving.

He cried?!